We were going to Pennsylvania for Christmas in just a day. They had built a new mall in Fayetteville, North Carolina, Cross Creek. It was very festive and very busy. I was filling our Christmas List as just one more chore before our planned departure. It must have been the 22nd but might have been the 21st. Nearly fifty years later I'm just not sure.
That Christmas List was a thing of pride for my wife and myself. It was the first year, in our young family, we could be generous, without worry, to those who had always been generous to us. We choose those gifts with care and pleasure. I don't remember what any of them might have been.
I do remember, I was annoyed and impatient with the crowd and the long line I was in.
My Dad bought the most wonderful Christmas gifts. He would watch and remember and then buy a, usually, simple thing, that you had needed, denied yourself and would use nearly every day. He was Greek Orthodox and born on January 6th. His Christmas Eve. As I get older, I've come to believe the accident of his birthdate had more to do with who he was than we ever realized. Love you Dad.
By example, as with most things I learned from him, he was a remarkably patient man. He was also very thoughtful, always with an inner dialogue that rarely left him without something apt to say in small matters and larger matters. He would sit quietly with his coffee and then he would say, "Well." as he rose to do some small chore or go somewhere and you knew he had been in deep thought about some thing or other.
Like all boys, I loved snow and always rooted for a major snowfall. Looking out the window together I would say, "I hope it keeps up." and he would say, " No you don't. You want it to come down." It was his playful way of reminding me to be careful about what I was really wishing for. He is long gone and like most children, I sometimes regret I didn't make more plain to him how much I really noticed what he thought and said. I suppose we all do from time to time.
I was in my line with other adults and parents with children, all with purchases for the season. My schedule for the day was full and I was growing more impatient. Finally, among my 'humbug thoughts', 'I can't wait to be done here'. That triggered my Dad's voice in my mind.
I can't wait. "I bet you can." You're going to wait no matter what. It's up to you how you do it. Who needs the negative energy of impatience? Sure, there was a problem with the crowd, the delay, the growing lateness of the hour. That problem was me. When I came into that moment of being, on the right foot, it all changed. The single shoppers, the parents, the children, the purchases waiting to be tallied, almost became parts of a Christmas display. My impatience started to become anticipation. I began to notice impatience and anticipation are really two sides of the same coin. That's a gift in and of itself.
For years after, I would deliberately leave a gift or two unpurchased just to have an excuse to go to a mall or department store on Christmas Eve. Just to enjoy the crowds and atmosphere and remember a Christmas of long, long ago and my Dad.
It's just one small thing, really. When my eldest daughter was in college, I was single but I would hold a trim-a- tree party and decorate and really kinda make a big deal out of the whole thing. People to the house and so forth. She asked me, "Dad, why make such a fuss?" I said that I had spent some Christmases alone in an unfamiliar city and the thing that comforted me was remembering Christmases Past. So, I decided that given the opportunity, we should make memories to sustain us when things couldn't be quite as we would hope.
The years have gone by. So many friends and loved ones are only still with us in our hearts, others are scattered. It is time to be comforted and grateful for lessons well learned in the past so that these Christmases can be bright and cheerful as well. I hope these little memories add to your joy. Merry Christmas and Cheer to you and yours for the New Year!
