Yes Sir! That's My baby!

    Since this is something I couldn't possibly have any real knowledge of, being a man, I'm going to comment with authority. Listen up.
    Robin Williams said a man couldn't understand giving birth unless he'd passed a bowling ball thru the head of his penis.  Owww.  I do know; if pregnancy happened to me I would consider it a catastrophe. The women I've known going thru their first pregnancy certainly seem to have shared that opinion. They were all willingly pregnant, filled with love and the wonder of bringing to the world a new life and scared shitless.  Now, they knew millions had done it before and it should be no problem. They hadn't done it before and it sure seemed like a problem to them. Sure Honey, make it all about you.   None of the videos available of the process seem particularly reassuring.  Certainly not attractive.  Apparently, they insist on showing those videos to young women in high school hygiene classes.  They might want to rethink that.  Just sayin.  The subsequent, second and third pregnancies were pretty much like riding a bike.
    One thing about the first time mothers I've known:  Looking back, they were all so very young. I can't remember ever being that young but I remember them with the pleasure and nostalgia you only gain thru age. They all have become dynamic, accomplished people. Come to think of it, the children have grown to be just remarkable people.  For some reason they all seem to be a little sarcastic.
    As a first time father, I was part of a dim past.  The men stayed in the waiting room, smoking cigars. Can you imagine smoking in a hospital?  Smoking cigars and as I remember, passing a discreet flask. We were also waiting to find out the gender of our offspring.  Imagine that. In those days the men filled out the birth certificates.  Luckily, I spelled my daughter's name correctly. Yeah, they quit that not so bright idea and not so bright jokes as children's names proposed by drunken fathers became a thing of the past.
    And then something became common which I still, actually, disapprove of.  Men were invited into the delivery room to welcome the new whelp into the world. (No wonder they're a little sarcastic.)  I don't know who started that.  I assume whoever started it regretted the idea once they tried it.  I'm certainly glad to be so old no one will ever extend that "privilege" to me again.  It is not like a car wreck. You can look away but you're not allowed. You better not.
    They tell you, you should refrain from intercourse for 3 weeks after giving birth. Refrain!?  After seeing that who the hell would want to?  My daughter, upon giving birth the first time, declared she was never going to have sex again.  She's a wonderful girl but she seems to have lied.  I'm not surprised.  She lied to me for years about the first time she had sex even though I never asked.  I hope she keeps it up.  I think all kids should lie extensively to their parents about their sex lives.
    My lovely and caring wife told me I didn't have to be present.  She was trying to spare my sensibilities. Such a beautiful, sensitive girl.  Yeah, I didn't fall for that.  Lying bitch.  I only slipped once in the course of two births.  A shave-tail doctor asked me if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord.  I slipped up by saying, " What the fuck am I paying you for.?"  My wife, from across the room, laughed out loud.  The doctor looked as though he'd been hit with a wet fish.
   In truth it's a wonderful experience that shouldn't be missed.  Of course, I mean the waiting room with the cigars and the flask.  Some things should remain a mystery.  I think the true, weaker sex should be shielded.