Not everybody does it but everybody should! Yeah, I guess. I certainly seem to have made positive contributions to the gene pool against all predictions. I just think we look at sex and sexuality all wrong.
First: It is a universal, intensely private thing. So, naturally, it is the most public of things.
Second: We tend to think any progress is a new thing unique to our own time. Yeah, that's not true. Truth isn't born just because we discover it. Human rights aren't created; they can only be, finally, recognized. You have the right to simply be left alone and most people miss the total concept of the right to remain silent. We need more of that. Very often silence is golden for a reason.
Let me relate the perspective of a couple firmly rooted in the Victorian Era. My Grandparents were not products of the twentieth century. They were born in and products of the nineteenth century. I would say the primary rule they followed was, your sex life was a private matter not to be discussed. By extension, other people's sex lives were not to be noticed or commented upon. It wasn't just an invasion of their dignity but an insult to your own dignity. They never displayed any Freudian consequences in my presence. That would have been undignified. Come to think of it Freud never displayed any negative consequences. You'd think that would have told him something.
In the late '50s and early '60s they had a gay daughter. Well, she's in her '70s now. Still gay. I, one time, described her as; drunk when it was popular and gay when it wasn't. As far as I know that is the only time any member of our family mentioned that my aunt was gay. Sorry, it was a plot device in a short story I wrote. The story wasn't that good.
If I have a point this is it. Had anyone mentioned my aunt's sex life or our own for that matter in front of my grandparents we would have been met with silence and probably quietly, privately, corrected later. That silence in response to an inappropriate comment, no matter the subject was probably the most effective corrective action that could have been taken. In these times that seems reasonable enough but 50 or 60 years ago it was insightful and enlightened in terms of sexuality. The truth is, they weren't alone. They were simply in the minority. That's the way good ideas grow.
Here's where I think we've gone wrong. Every couple weeks we hear that someone has come "out". Why? What makes people think their sexual preferences are some fodder for public consumption? I'm sure there are perfectly legal things I enjoy as a heterosexual that would make some people's hair stand on end. Should I come out as a cunningulist? There's an image, sorry. Erskine Caldwell would be proud. What makes one sex act substantially different from another? In the short term all sex acts have the same result. Mixing genders isn't some revolution, it's a change of venue. A decent, satisfying relationship isn't based in the bedroom no matter the gender of the partners. Ya gotta have something to talk about. It's that companionship and communication that makes mortgage payments and buys furniture and that companionship remains an immensely private matter.
So, it sounds like I advocate "Don't ask, don't tell". I would change that just a bit. "Don't tell, don't ask" or " Keep it in your pants" or better yet, " Don't know, don't care". As is so often the case ignorance and apathy are the best policies.
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